great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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