I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize