I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
