And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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