What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
