Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish I only lived at night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
