On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
