you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
