Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
