How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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