I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
