You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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