just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They took my balls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize