we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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