Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize