I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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