I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
