my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
