I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize