Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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