just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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