I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize