it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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