I like my sex mixed with concussions.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry about my life...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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