I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
