My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
