Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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