Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
