In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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