In the future we'll all be gay
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
