And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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