Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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