Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
