summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
