One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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