i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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