I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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