thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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