she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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