hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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