Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
