have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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