i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
