It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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