Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
