I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
