my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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