Whod you bang
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize