I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
