i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
