Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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