why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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