dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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