Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
