i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
