glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
