she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
