That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My feet surprised me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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