I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
