im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
