soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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