She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
