Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
