guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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